just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
