I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize