you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
nutella sex= disaster
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize