Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
