I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
