Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
