apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
