So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
