i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
