I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
