Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
