i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
