I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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