Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
