Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it because I queefed?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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