She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
