She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
