i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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