In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
