my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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