dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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