i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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