I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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