I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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