I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
