Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
