Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
