She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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