My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
