I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
