either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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