Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
