idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
