just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
