is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
