if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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