We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
