so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
