im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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