No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
