are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
