Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
