Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
