He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
