absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
