I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
