Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
