I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
