i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
how does that bad decision feel?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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