This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
