just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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