Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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