Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
