I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
