Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
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