sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
