Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
