Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
this is an emotional support booty call
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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