Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
