Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
