I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize