I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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