things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
