called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
