everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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