At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
