So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
